The
Universal Laws of Birding
 The Optimist's
Constant: Birds
have wings, and no one has told them when or where they should
be.
The Pessimist's Corollary: When birds use their wings, your timing or location will be wrong.
Sacrificial Lamb Law - The bird will be seen by others only after you,
as the sacrificial lamb, leave.
Sitting in the Woods Corollary - The bird will be seen by others only
after you have snuck into the woods to ta.ke care of biological responsibilities.
Resnick's Variation - The bird will show up only when you go into a
snack bar to get some nice hot chocolate on a bitter cold day. (Ian Resnick)
Theorem of Diminishing Returns - The longer you look for a bird, the
less likely you will find it.
Hoffman's Corollary - The further you travel to see a particular bird,
the less likely you are to find it. (Carolyn Hoffman)
Arie's Nemesis Theory - If you don't see the bird within a certain amount
of tries, it becomes insulted and deliberately avoids you from then on. (Arie Gilbert)
Gilbert's Wishful Thinking Hypothesis - This takes place by casually
mentioning a bird and then the bird shows up. (Arie Gilbert)
Frazier's Law No. 1 - The bird will only come out after you have begun
to leave. Sometimes you can trick the bird into coming out by loudly announcing
that you are leaving and starting to move in that direction. Note, at the
end of a day of waiting, combining the Sacrificial Lamb Rule with Frazier's
Law No. 1 can overcome the Theorem of Diminishing Returns.
Ann's Assumption - Never assume the bird line has been updated. Just
because the bird's not been reported doesn't necessarily mean it's left
the country! (Ann Johnson)
Hoffman's Law - You may look for a particular bird for 20 years without
finding it, but once you DO find it you find them everywhere. They turn
up in your driveway, on your porch, EVERYwhere. They suddenly become robin-like
in their numbers. (Carolyn Hoffman)
Bangma's Observation - You will learn more about the variation in Herring
Gulls in 30 minutes of looking for a Thayer's than you will in a lifetime
of looking at Herrings. (Jim Bangma)
Paulson's First Law - Common species are more common than rare ones.
Paulson's Second Law - Well-known birds appear to vary more than poorly
known ones.
(Both of the above comments are courtesy of Jim Bangma who found them
in Dennis Paulson's "Birds of the Pacific Northwest.")
Arlis's Technobirder Triangulation Conundrum - The probability of a
technobirder finding an important bird is directly proportional to the
triangulated distance between subject, human, and camera. (Arlis Abel)
New Birder's Theorem - The probability of an unknown bird possessing
a very distinctive identifying field mark is directly proportional to the
amount of time he spends posing for you. (Sharon S. Fisher)
Field Mark Tendencies Scenario - Whenever you are out birding without
a fieldguide and see a new bird, the fieldmark you think is the important
one is never the important one. The bird always flies before you can look
at the important one. If there is an important field mark, the bird never
lets you see it. If the bird sits there all day and lets you look at all
its field marks, it is not a rare bird. (Carolyn Hoffman)
Rules of Birding Attu
Most birding on Attu is done on bicycle on dirt roads, many of which
are rutted or nothing but two tire tracks.
Attu Rule No. 1 - The other track always looks smoother until you switch.
(Gerry Maisel)
Attu Rule No. 2 - If you try to avoid a rock, you will definitely hit
it. (Gerry Maisel)
Attu Rule No. 3 - When you go out in the morning, the wind will be in
your face. When you come back in, however, the wind will be in your
face. (Gerry Maisel)
Wilson's Law of the Gainfully Employed - Rare birds reported on the
tape on Wednesday are usually gone by Saturday. (Gary Wilson)
Arie's Photographic Anomaly - Your best photographic opportunities will
occur when you leave the camera behind. (Arie Gilbert)
Bird Watcher's Digest Rules of Hawk Identification
Rule No. 1 - It's a Red-tailed Hawk.
Rule No. 2 - It's a Red-tailed Hawk.
(Bonnie Simmons)
The Warbler Corollary - It's a Redstart (Ann Johnson)
Ian's Irony - The bird will always be between the birder and the sun.
(Ian Resnick)
Bangma's Photographic Absolute - The lens you have with you is never
long enough. (Jim Bangma)
(See Sosensky's Exception below)
Elizabeth's Consideration - The bird that you struggle through difficult
terrain, endure multiple injuries and screw up your schedule for, will
be waiting for you above your car in the parking lot. (Elizabeth Miller?)
Pamela's Considerate Corollary - When one non-birder stays behind in
the car while the birders go on an expedition for a target bird, the
non-birder will report having had wonderful looks at the bird when
everyone returns.
Norm's Photographic Observations
If you see a bird you don't recognize and photograph it for later identification,
all the key characteristics will be obscure.
All small, nervous, flighty birds have an innate ability to feel photons
reflected from their body being focused on a viewing screen and move instantly.
Otherwise outstanding portraits of birds will show the nictitating membrane
in use.
(Norm Smith)
Elrick's Hypothesis - If there are two or more birds in a tree and one
is a rarity, the only one you can't see is the rarity. (Bill Elrick)
Sosensky's 1st Law - Dull birds with difficult plumage are always seen
on overcast days. (Steve Sosensky)
Sosensky's 2nd Law - The active foragers are always in the canopy or
the back of the tree. (Steve Sosensky)
Sosensky's 3rd Law - Woodpeckers and creepers spend more time on the
far side of the trunk. (Steve Sosensky)
Sosenky's Theory of Optical Availability - Birds are most visible when
your binoculars are down.
Field Guide Corollary - The bird is most visible when you look in your
field guide and least visible when you go back to look for the next field
mark.
(Steve Sosensky)
The "YSHBH Syndrome" - Upon arriving at the site of a bird reported
on the RBA and finding a group of birders already there you will be told
"You Should Have Been Here xx minutes ago. The bird just flew." (Joe DiCostanzo)
The Transubstantiation Phenomenon -- The ability of many rare birds
to change their appearance into that of a common bird in the amount of
time between your spotting them in a tree with your naked eye and raising
your binoculars to look at them. An evolutionary holdover from the days
of collecting. (Joe DiCostanzo)
The Inverse Distance Waterfowl Law -- The rarer the duck or goose, the
further from shore it will be. On an enclosed body of water, it will always
be on the diametrically opposite shore from you and this shore will always
be private land or otherwise inaccessible. (Joe DiCostanzo)
The Weekday Migration Rule -- During spring and fall, all major flights
will occur on a weekday. (Joe DiCostanzo)
The Weekend Migration Rule -- In published analyses of arrival and departure
dates for any given migration in bird journals it will be found that nearly
all birds arrive in the spring on a weekend and depart in the fall on a
weekend. (Joe DiCostanzo)
The Luck of the Uninterested Rule -- At any stakeout for a rare bird
at which a large number of birders have assembled, one birder will usually
have dragged along an uninterested, nonbirding friend or relative. The
nonbirder almost inevitably will be the one who looks the other way or
wanders off and finds the sought after bird. (Joe DiCostanzo)
Theory of Canine Disturbance - Nice flock of birds awaiting detailed
study and enjoyment....by dog
The Lister's Geographic Difficulty - The best birds are always on the
other side of the dividing line for the area you're keeping track of...refuge,
park, state, country, continent, etc. (Jerry Blinn)
Blinn's Moving Car Observance - If a small brown bird flies across the
road, it's a Song Sparrow. (Jerry Blinn)
AJ's Thermodynamic Constant - The number of species seen in winter is
proportional to the temperature. The constant varies. (Ann Johnson)
Theory of Birding Locations - There it is - There it goes.
The Scope Location Absolute - If you need the scope, it's in your trunk.
If you don't need it, it's on your shoulder.
The Top Gun Defense - Birds can sense "Optics Lock" and take evasive
action. (Chris Moellering)
Outhouse Observation - Interesting birds always show up around an outhouse
during a field trip. Particularly when you've just entered. (Jim Frazier)
The Western Rules of Hawk Identification
Rule No. 1 - It's a Raven.
Rule No. 2 - It's a Red-tailed Hawk.
Rule No. 3 - It is NOT a Golden Eagle.
(Jim Frazier)
The Yurchenco Distance Vector - The distance you must drive to see a
reported rarity is directly proportional to your interest in seeing it.
The likelihood of the bird being there is inversely proportional to the
distance you have traveled. (Jim Yurchenco)
The Aircraft Conspiracy - Birds which need to be distinguished by voice
only sing when aircraft are overhead. (Jim Yurchenco)
Grant's Law - The apparent size of the bird I am watching is only that
of the species which I think it is. (Peter Grant)
Sosensky's Exception - If the lens is long enough, the bird will be
too close to focus on. (Steve Sosensky)
See above - Bangma's Photographic Absolute
The Hologram Rule of Elevation Displacement - The bird you really want
is always in the top of a tree, upslope from your current location.
(Johnson, Bangma, et al)
Rosenban's Dictum - If you get a really good look at it, it's probably
a Redstart. (Thanks to Jim Landing). And if anyone wants to correct the
spelling of Mr. Rosenban's name,
please let
me know.
Field Guide Inaccuracy Absolute - There is always an expert in the group
who knows more than the field guide about the finer identification points
of a given bird. This applies to every field guide or book ever written
and is particularly relevant when the bird is rare. Frequently, the
matter involves "gizz", a meaningless method for someone attempting to
get a lifer look. It should also be mentioned that the aforementioned
expert will have NEVER written a field guide. (Frazier)
The Big Sit Consideration - The good birds
show up when you have a bagel with cream cheese in your hand. (Johnson,
Frazier and Frazier)
The Camera Power Conundrum - Bird lands 15 feet away, battery in
camera fails. (Frazier)
The Yellowlegs Absolute - If a Lesser Yellowlegs and a Greater
Yellowlegs are next to each other, someone will make the comment,
"There's a good size comparison." (Frazier)
Shorebird Viewing Problem - Away from actual seashores, some of the
best shorebird locations are also the least scenic or the smelliest. (Frazier)
The Neck-Pain Nuance - If it's a warbler,
and it's moving slowly enough to see, it's a Yellow-rumped Warbler.
(unknown) added 6/1/05
The Maternal Instinct - Whenever a group
of birders finds a cluster of new ducklings, gosling or any other cute
and adorable group of young birds, you'll always hear a chorus of "aaawwwwwhhhhhhhh." (Frazier)
added 6/5/05
The Maternal Instinct Corollary - In a
mixed flock of birders with both men and women, the women will always
fall behind inspecting a really cute nest. (Frazier)
added 6/5/05
Your suggestions for additions to this list are
welcome. Please contact
us. Submissions will be reviewed at regular meetings of the
ULBSSMWD (Universal Laws of Birding Standing Subcommittee - Milky Way District).
Other Birding Resources
The Universal Laws of Birding
Recommended Field Trip Equipment List
The Compleat Birder
A Guide to Not Mis-Identifying Birds
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